today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
