The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
