If i come over, it means nothing
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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