End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
