I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
