i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
