Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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