he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize