I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
