Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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