i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
