the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
