New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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