So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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