i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
