if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
