i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
