I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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