I wish my penis had an off switch
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
