girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
