have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am midnight drunk by noon
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
