We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
