I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
