Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
