Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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