I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
