"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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