Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
