remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
