just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
