Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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