Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
