I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize