in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
