and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
