Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
