Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
