i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
