Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
