I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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