Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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