I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
