I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
being pregnant is like rehab
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
