Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
