How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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