I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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