sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sober January is a disaster.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
