We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
