Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
