the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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