I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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