tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
