I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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