oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need a burrito and a hug.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize