my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
