Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
