guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
