So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
