he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
