i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
