I skipped work to stalk him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
