You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
