roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
