Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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